So today we had a "pacifier party". For those of you not familiar with these kinds of parties let me enlighten you....Braedyn, who will be 3 yrs in August, has been sleeping with her pacifier for a couple years now and we, (her and I together), finally decided that it was time to send it away. I have been talking to her a lot about this and how it would all go down for a long time now trying to prepare her for what was to come.
I was trying to let her make the decision and do it when she was ready and in some way that she would remember and feel good about. So I had been talking to a lot of mom's and gathering good ideas near and far. I ran them all by Braedyn and gave her choices and she chose to send her pacifier to the "babies in heaven" - the babies who have no pacifier and are waiting for one. So I bought a bunch of balloons and we tied her pacifier to the end and she launched them into the sky. I went well except for the gust of wind that caught the bouqet and instead of floating high up it kinda went sideways...oh well. She looked concered but it was okay.
Then shortly after that the doorbell rang and there was a gift on the porch all wrapped up from the Pacifier Fairy. It read....
A little distraction just in case and incentive never hurt. We ended the celebration with some cupcakes and hanging out in Grandma's new beautiful backyard (thanks to Kevin).
Auntie Rachel made her a sling for her babies and Auntie Katherine & Uncle Markgave her some princess stickers.
Fast forward to bedtime...and she starts asking for it and chanting "I want my pacifier". I told her, "Remember sweetie you sent it to the babies in heaven". I could see it in her face and hear it in her voice as she continued to chant "I want my pacifier", the regret and realization of "What have I done!" I felt so bad. As a mom I wanted to go get in the car and go find it, buy a new one, fix it, make the pain go away. I guess I sent it away for both of us. She finally half cried herself to sleep around 9:30pm. She woke up several times at night asking for it. Sometimes half asleep, sometimes not even awake. I'm sure it will be easier tonight and then the next night and the next until it is a distant memory. It makes me really sad though when it finally hit me that 1. She's really growing up (this thought hits me a few times a week) and 2. In that instant when I saw the pain and regret in her face and heard it in her voice I felt so weak and unprepared as a mother. I couldn't protect her, I won't be able to protect her always. When that boy breaks her heart, when she makes a hard decision, whatever it is. Wow, life just keeps on throwing those fast balls and really keeps you on your toes I guess.
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